Seriously, nothing interests me anymore. It seems the novelty of the world has worn off for me. I’m not sure why it would to this degree, but it really has. I’m bored with stuff that I used to be interested in, such as cleaning, reading, painting, drawing, shopping, taking walks, writing (although I’m doing that anyway for the hell of it), and even playing video games. The only thing I absolutely love doing is sleeping. That’s where my life becomes alive. My dreams take me to wonderful places where I don’t have to worry about paying bills, finding a job, being broke, or figuring out to do next with my life. When I’m sleeping, it’s the one time I’m actually happy. When I’m awake, all I do is look around in disgust at what this world has become. You’d think that the world wouldn’t be this hard, but it is. Most people around me are either broke, suffering in some way, or too overly concerned with themselves to give a damn about others. It’s really, really disgusting.
I don’t have much faith in humanity to be honest. Most people don’t even want to help out their fellow men or even notice that they aren’t the only people who exist. Government officials definitely have their heads up their asses. Instead of doing their job, which is to protect and serve us, they’re only in it for themselves. I feel like we’re protecting and serving them. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? The rich only care about the rich. Fuck on us POOR PEOPLE. And what about us POOR PEOPLE who are actually trying to get a job and make something of themselves? Ha. It takes about a month just to get a menial job in America, and it pisses me off. I don’t have a month to fucking wait for money when my bills are due. I need money NOW. Get on the ball, people. You should probably make your hiring process a little bit faster for those of us who don’t have endless sources of money coming out of our asses. Seriously, I don’t have time for this shit.
And sometimes when I do ask for help, I get shit for it. It makes me angry. That’s why I’d rather just do everything myself. It’s easier, and I don’t have to deal with people. Unfortunately, I don’t have that luxury right now. It’s hard to get started once you’ve completely moved out of your parents’ house. You start off broker than broke, and then it takes forever to get back on your feet because no one wants to really hire you unless THEY HAVE TO. I mean, I understand where the businesses are coming from, really. That’s money out of their pockets that they already have to spend on whatever benefit packages they have for these new hires. Also, with Obamacare being required for full-time employees, it doesn’t make it any easier for a company to want to hire. No one is going to hire you full-time unless they have money coming out of their asses. The only people I know who have THAT do are government officials, hugeass corporations like Fucking Wal-Mart; Target; and Gamestop (or as I call it Lamestop), and rich celebrities. By the way, these corporations treat their workers like shit. I have friends that work at these places, and I’ve heard their stories. My friends are struggling right with me, and it really sucks that they have to struggle like this. We work really hard, and for what? I swear, we get up; work; try to pay bills; and sleep. Is that really the point to life?
So, after I spent four years in college thinking I’d be able to use this damn degree for something more, I find myself three years later still frustrated that I can’t find something that pays more than $10/hr. I feel like I just wasted my time at school, really. At least, I sometimes feel that way. I’m glad to have an education, but does it have to cost so fucking much? I’m still dealing with at least $15,000 in debt after paying at least $3,000 per year for the last two years. I would have liked to be over and done with this stupid debt in five years, but OBVIOUSLY, that isn’t going to happen. I know the numbers may seem small for most people, but I am one of those people who hates owing people. It makes me feel like a slave, and a slave is the opposite of what I’d like to be.
Honestly, I am ready to sing Christmas Carols on the side of the road IN FEBRUARY just to get a few pennies a day. And… I can’t sing to save my life. Literally. If nothing else, I’d be so amusing that people would throw money at me. Hey, I’m desperate enough. What the hell?
Xara Nahara O’Connor