Whats On Your Mind This Time?

Ugh, just another time of staring at a blank screen. I watch it stare back at me with its “What’s On Your Mind This Time” look. I swear it’s laughing at me as I do the proverbial “Uhhh….” that Tina from Bob’s Burgers does. I have a hell of a writer’s block, despite the fact that I literally forgotten most of what I have written in my life. It makes one feel naked down to the core of the soul. Of course, none of this matters to anyone except to me. It gets harder and harder to accept that I really am nothing more than a speck in this universe. As much as I try to be a sparkling speck in this universe that will indeed make a difference in this world, for better or worse, it gets harder and harder to do that. Other people have suggested that I give up on my dream to make my mark on this Earth and just “live a normal life.” Man do I get pissed off when people tell me that. That’s like saying I should commit suicide, at least in my mind. I was born and bred to make a difference on this Earth. I have given too much effort into living and caring about this planet (as much as I have practically been known to vilify everything about it) to at least not be “behind the scenes” in terms of making a difference. Yeah, yeah, call me egotistical and Narcissistic or whatever, but at least I like having a purpose in a world that literally has no meaning some higher meaning that no one actually KNOWS WHAT IT IS. I guess my purpose now is to share whatever intellectual discovery I have come across, or to at least participate in the discussion of the social sciences. Heck, I could be writing to amuse some obscure masses on the Internet.

Speaking of amusing, I have noticed that people have become more robotic over time, and more and more rules have been imposed upon us with each passing year. Heck, I have been talking about this stuff for years. It seems that a lot of people are afraid to be truly themselves, and frankly, a lot of people seem “fake.” In the rare occasion that I do go out in public, I notice that everyone has a bit of a “bored” look on their faces. Maybe that’s because of where I live currently, but I noticed a hint of it when I lived in Painesville, OH as well. It seems like no matter who they are, they talk about the same stuff over and over. Honestly, it’s mind-numbing. I truly feel like the zombie apocalypse has been occurring in the United States… but let me progress forward with this topic. Al and I went to Disney World about a week ago, and we noticed that even people that were not from the States were moving mechanically (even more than a typical person with a hint of autism) and even in their tone of voices there wasn’t much spirit (I can understand a bit of Spanish, too, and even they didn’t have much of a tone to their voices). Anymore, I feel like everyone else is the same. It’s ridiculous that more and more people seem odd because they don’t fit in this robotic and quite frankly, ridiculous mainstream. It isn’t just that people are becoming more and more insane, it’s just that the mainstream is becoming more and more homogenous. Even with the acceptance of gays getting married now and doing drugs, nothing has truly changed. And excuse some people if they are offended with drugs and being gay. Last time I checked, we were allowed to dissent in this country. Apparently not. I’m all for gays being married and people doing drugs on their own time, really I am, but for those who don’t agree with it, it’s retarded how they get attacked. Not everyone has to agree with each other. That’s what people don’t understand.

Xara Nahara O’Connor


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I am a graduate of the University of Mount Union. I work for ResCare HomeCare as a direct support professional. I was a psychology major and am hoping to get a master's degree in Business Administration with a concentration on healthcare... Somewhere. I am still interested in English and theatre. Writing had always been one of my passions until recently. It takes too much time and effort, which is why I just draw comics now. Believe it or not, drawing comics is easier for me to express myself than writing. I also love animals. When I am not working hard on whatever project I happen to have my hands on, I am at home playing with my animals. I live with two cats named Garfield and Oreo. I also love to listen to all kinds of music, such as The Birthday Massacre, Emilie Autumn, The Cruxshadows, The Cranberries, Celldweller, Emperor, R.E.M., Future Funk Squad, Symphony X, Einherjer, Borknagar, and Nightwish. And I'm married. But don't tell the government. They suck the fun out of it.

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8 thoughts on “Whats On Your Mind This Time?”

  1. Not everyone has to agree with each other. That’s what people don’t understand. Yes, but in a world droning on the constant theme of acceptance blindly, all must conform. The person who smiles in public at a stranger will soon be the rogue.

    1. Yeah, people are becoming more conformists. I mean, acceptance is great and wonderful, but it should be done for the right reasons. Blindly following ANYTHING is a bad idea and could get you into SERIOUS trouble. And yeah, my boyfriend and I are the kind of people who smile and say hello to strangers. We get the oddest looks anymore, but hey, at least we try to be friendly. Rogues don’t always have to be the bad guys.

    1. Definitely. I get to be myself… four days out of the month, but I have been letting my real self out to play around clients I feel more comfortable around. I’ve been happier since I have gotten more comfortable around the clients I’ve had for longer. I had a new client yesterday, and she wondered why I seemed shy. She kept an immaculate house, so we spent a third of the time just chatting about her life and dabbled a bit into mine. She is a sweet lady, but she wanted to see me only once a month, which is fine. She’s an introvert like me.

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