You would think I would have everything

A great fiancé

A great home

A great job

A great car

And yet something is missing

Maybe validation of my identity in all of this

Maybe a social connection with the world around me

Maybe emotional security when I occasionally face anxiety

You would think I would be happier; I should be happier

You would think I wouldn’t feel pain

You would think I have everything and nothing else would matter

You would think I would have everything

(Appreciation is needed, and I do appreciate what I have. Depression is a bitch sometimes.)

Xara Nahara O’Connor


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I am a graduate of the University of Mount Union. I work for ResCare HomeCare as a direct support professional. I was a psychology major and am hoping to get a master's degree in Business Administration with a concentration on healthcare... Somewhere. I am still interested in English and theatre. Writing had always been one of my passions until recently. It takes too much time and effort, which is why I just draw comics now. Believe it or not, drawing comics is easier for me to express myself than writing. I also love animals. When I am not working hard on whatever project I happen to have my hands on, I am at home playing with my animals. I live with two cats named Garfield and Oreo. I also love to listen to all kinds of music, such as The Birthday Massacre, Emilie Autumn, The Cruxshadows, The Cranberries, Celldweller, Emperor, R.E.M., Future Funk Squad, Symphony X, Einherjer, Borknagar, and Nightwish. And I'm married. But don't tell the government. They suck the fun out of it.

Categories Uncategorized12 Comments

12 thoughts on “Everything”

  1. ah, yes…that which takes our contentment sometimes and prohibits us from enjoying fully all that we have…know that your words are appreciated….thank you for sharing 🙂

    1. Awaw. Thank you. ::hugs him:: I am glad you didn’t take this as a post of me being ungrateful. Too often, people think my depression is caused by me being spoiled. It hurts me when they say that. I work for a living. I clean house, and I go out once or twice a week to play cards. I don’t even spend that much time with my best friends anymore. Trust me. I have met spoiled, and I ain’t it. I understand what is given to me and work hard to nurture it.

      1. 🙂 you are welcome…some people will have their opinions and if they are unsure they will make it up as they go along…I think you have a great grasp on what you have and I could sense the frustration in your words because I understand depression…hope you are having a great day 🙂

  2. Dear Xara;
    Something, circumstances contrived to invoke The Void within you early in life. The Void is something we all venture into this earthly plane with. We all possess this Void. It is the source of all drive Except for the counterpart drive we require (mention later). The Void must be mirrored. It cannot be denied just like its counterpart will not be denied. The Void is mirrored in two universal ways; In Like and in Unlike. This means that because the Void signifies Designation, appertainment, which is Oblivion, Waste, Disposal, therefore in “Like” it drives us to self destruction, in some cases, intuiting it in great and painful ways such as, Anxiety, or Panic attacks. Some spend their lives mirroring the Void in “Unlike”, these are Celebrity driven by the Void, a life of seeking evaluation of a praise sort. These two are known as “The Celebrity Seeker and The Obscurity Seeker”. This is in my blogs. Mind you, some of my older, earlier writing is not as clear.
    All the man erected negotiable substances which we instilled worth in, were all Void fashioned to create the Veil which the Void requires in the great effort to delude mankind of its flawed and broken state. A devalued state.
    Here’s the good news. The fact that some event invoked the Void in a distinct and powerful way in your early years doesn’t mean that you must disinter this event and examine it, or know of it…….
    Na, uh uh.
    Doing that would still be Void driven, it is called “Enlistment”, sucker city. Come peruse my Blog Xara. I tried earlier to get your interest. I have a burden in life for the ones who are attacked by Anxiety. Written extensively about it.
    It has to be paradoxical that someone who hates formats, and man erected value systems, might have worth while poignant answers, Some one who never wanted to be accredited by man, evaluated by man.
    Yes, the Void is tricky. Watch out.
    Happy New Year.
    Sincerely; MAO

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