by: Xara Nahara O’Connor

My muse spits at me,
Like venom
Telling me that insults flow like poetry
The piles of garbage
That Shel Silverstein talks about in his poem
Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout
Won’t Take The Garbage Out
Her Muses Taunting Me
Piles upon piles
Of venomous poisons

Occasionally, I release them into the open
A poison shield around me
No one can get in
Lest they get poisoned
Like headache hell
Yet like the orgasmic taste of melted Havarti cheese
Soft worshipping goat cheese,
Somewhat healthy to release mental toxins
Praying to God NO ONE is around when my muse turns inside out

Repeating the same shit over and over
Reliving headache hell
Just as though it were the first time
Responding differently yet the same
Slowly slipping into madness
God Forbid I protect the ones I live
Have a shred of heart
Protecting them from the nuclear fission I feel
Protecting them from the fire I feel inside
Protecting myself from other people’s judgment
Strangely feeling more than perfect in my venomous shield
Self-expression almost uninhibited
By this venomous shield
Yet I stand back and watch how the world crumbles before me

Were I a different person,
Maybe I would find unadulterated bliss in watching this world turn into a swamp
Full of poisonous gases, full of toxic sludge, full of dead, hanging leaves of toxic trees
Embrace the venom inside of me,
Were I a different person,
Then happiness would consume me
Alas that is not me,
A person that wants to do wonders for this world

How else do I release my toxins safely besides using poetry?
Poetry finds us, those who search for it
Those of us are sick, FUCKING SICK of being mediocre
Tired of any anxiety over being suddenly subpar
Through our use of words and creativity,
Our venom becoming something of abominal beauty
Turning negative into positive
Perhaps there is hope for this world,
As soon as the venom dissipates

The muse leaves a venomous kiss on my lips
Tells me I am adequate, worthy of her affection
She thanks me for expressing her bidding
An awkward goodbye for now
But know the poison will return,
Expect venomous kisses tomorrow
Queen Bee will return
And I await her comfort with anxiety that is engrained within me
My heart heavy with love and loathe for her


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I am a graduate of the University of Mount Union. I work for ResCare HomeCare as a direct support professional. I was a psychology major and am hoping to get a master's degree in Business Administration with a concentration on healthcare... Somewhere. I am still interested in English and theatre. Writing had always been one of my passions until recently. It takes too much time and effort, which is why I just draw comics now. Believe it or not, drawing comics is easier for me to express myself than writing. I also love animals. When I am not working hard on whatever project I happen to have my hands on, I am at home playing with my animals. I live with two cats named Garfield and Oreo. I also love to listen to all kinds of music, such as The Birthday Massacre, Emilie Autumn, The Cruxshadows, The Cranberries, Celldweller, Emperor, R.E.M., Future Funk Squad, Symphony X, Einherjer, Borknagar, and Nightwish. And I'm married. But don't tell the government. They suck the fun out of it.

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