My Top Five Faults (And How I compensate)

Before I begin this post, I will admit that I have MORE than five things wrong with me. In fact, if I were to list them all, then it would be a novel. Let’s spare the poor readers of that drama. No one wants to read that shit anyway. Anyhow, without further ado….

5.) ย I’m Forgetful – While I can remember what happened in detail on most days, I forget to do chores, work duties, or God Forbid COMMUNICATE!!!! I know I have eons of things to do and eons of people that I should be communicating with at this moment, but I forget what order I’m supposed to do all of this in, exactly.

4.) I Lack Motivation – Even the carrot on the stick thing isn’t working out for me very well. I am definitely struggling to improve my motivation and to delete this fault altogether. At least I’m motivated to keep going on this list… next….

3.) I Am Not Trusting – I could write an entire post about this one, m’dears. But I’ll spare you the melodrama. I’ll give you a synopsis. The people I spent my youthful years around barely stay by me now. They also have backstabbed me, deceived me, and also failed to uphold their promises. I’m also not very open to strangers (or anyone that much anymore). I’ve had my heart broken into a million pieces. It’s a surprise I even have one anymore. It’s more like a organ that pumps blood, but I am working on pumping my blood for others as opposed to myself.

2.) I Procrastinate. Big Time. – I should be baking right now, but my Betty Crocker Spirit isn’t with me right now. Maybe some tunes in the kitchen would help. ๐Ÿ™‚ But seriously, I put off almost everything, which is why even the simplest things seem like mountains of work to do.

And…
::drum roll please::

1.) I am extremely defensive and emotional.ย This probably comes from being punished too many times as a child and having wrathful parents. Don’t get me wrong. They have improved dramatically over time, but when I was a kid, holy crap… But anyway, my small amount of autism has a large part to do with it, too. Sorry, everyone. Also, I’m mistrusting, so again, I’m ready to defend my life at any given moment. I’ve sort of turned into a survivalist. Maybe from years of being a loner? I guess stress has finally caught up to me. I honestly don’t believe I’ll rid of this trait. It’s damning, but it’s so deeply ingrained. I’m also a perfectionist, so it doesn’t help matters. And that comes from not wanting to be in trouble with anyone.

————————————————————————–

So, to the fun, positive part of this entry… the way I compensate for these damnable faults.

5.) How to Not Be Forgetful – I write things down, usually. I think about them on a loop when the information comes to me. I try to get things done right away so that they can be out of my task bar, so to say. I also try to match a memory to whatever it is I am trying to remember.

4.) How to Be Motivated – I think of ways that will benefit others when I do the things I need to do. I think about how others are affected over myself. Nothing affects me, so I think of others. I have an outward approach to doing things. I want to make sure other people are happy because it’s a hell of a task for me to be. I focus on what is easier for me to do… make people happy. Maybe this is not the best way to go about things because then I become a people-pleaser (that’s flaw number 6 I never talked about here). But it’s a start. Like I said, I’m working on being self-motivated like I used to be.

3.) How to be More Trusting – Ha! Let’s talk about how I depend on myself for a lot of things, especially emotionally. Or maybe I could look to my right and see my fiancรฉ, who is single-handedly being the most trustworthy and helpful person I’ve ever met. He kicks the shit out of what most of my family has done for me. I have a stepfather I trust with my life, too. He has never let me down. I can’t say that for many others.

2.) How to Not Procrastinate – I push myself very hard to get things done and tell myself that these things are urgent. I’m also trying not to be human, but that isn’t working so well. Moving on so that I can STOP procrastinating…

And….
How To Compensate for Being Defensive and Emotional

1.) That is the question…. hmmm… I guess that I know that they are criticizing my actions, words, and quality of work… not me as a person… I should hope. I guess that their criticism is more about themselves than it is about me. I also have become emotionally-distant as a way to (incorrectly) compensate for my emotional personality or whatever. Or maybe I think about how my emotions affect others and curb them until I am alone. When I am alone, then I release them… like a ball of stress. I’ll do this for the rest of my life, I guess.

Anyhow, thank you for reading through this long list of my faults. I must also give recognition to @robertmgoldstein for inspiring this post. Thank you again.

Xara Nahara O’Connor

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xaranahara

I am a graduate of the University of Mount Union. I work for ResCare HomeCare as an attendant. I was a psychology major. I am still interested in English and theatre. Writing has always been one of my passions, and such is why I decided to create this blog. I also love animals. When I am not working hard on whatever project I happen to have my hands on, I am at home playing with my animals. I live with two cats named Garfield and Oreo. I also love to listen to all kinds of music, such as The Birthday Massacre, Emilie Autumn, The Cruxshadows, The Cranberries, Celldweller, Emperor, R.E.M., Future Funk Squad, Symphony X, Einherjer, and Nightwish. Oh, and as of October 15, 2015, I'm engaged. I plan to get married on October 31, 2017.

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42 thoughts on “My Top Five Faults (And How I compensate)”

    1. That’s true. I also trust one of my clients, too, but HIPAA doesn’t allow me to go into detail. She is my best buddy. I love her so much. I would take her home with me if I could.

      But yes, my fiancรฉ is wonderful. I slap his leg repeatedly when I am happy to show affection. I also tell him about his good looks and how smart he is. He makes me laugh, and I love to quibble with him (which isn’t too smart, but I like the face his face furrows when he is mad. It’s like he focuses on one point and doesn’t let his eyes move. He is so wonderful). He is my Big Bear.

      1. Thank you. Right now, he is being melodramatic. I told him to come here and see me, and he is busy organizing Marvel Heroes and being head of S.H.I.E.L.D. But I don’t want to be around him, he says. ::throws a boom at his Italian head:: Our spousal arguments are funny as fuck, and I love him.

        Thank you for listening, shinepositivepower.

  1. I think The point one about me. Am i a double living somewhere far? I think i settled that issue. Punishment. They did what they did. i dont want find any more reasons for unjust acts. Keep well sister. I didnt read the whole post. Procrastination. lol

  2. From a few days ago, did you get the award nom I sent you? I was nominated 9xs this year already and I do them and am good about linking but many say it went to spam

  3. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. The important thing is to learn to live with them. It’s hard, but very possible. You have already started doing this not only identifying them, but recognizing their publicly ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Pretty much. When I had MySpace, our friends were encouraged to tell us our faults so that we could improve as human beings. It was actually nice to put things in perspective.

  4. I read it completely. I think you know the solutions. It is about confirming your belief. you are capable of doing what you want with your life and you got enough support system. So be The best.

  5. I like that you also included strategies for combating these problems. I really feel the problems with trust…It seems as if I can’t find a middle ground between trusting too much or not at all….

      1. Absolutely will…right now I can’t think of what they are but I know I have them…I notice that your five is missing the letter ef — is this a wordpress thing. I thought my keyboard was dying.

      2. WordPress gave me a hard time with the “f.” Sorry. Also, one is that you are a good listener. Two, you are an honest person. I could go on, but I don’t want to write your blog entry for you.

  6. I love that you list how you compensate or tackle them. I challenge you to write a list of your top five strengths or the top five things you admire about yourself! Looking forward to reading it!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. You sound from your posts intelligent, candid, self-critical, idealistic, kind, and possessed of a great sense of humor.

    I am though a little confused about why you’ve chosen to label some of the characteristics you describe having as “faults”. Memory, for instance, is not something over which we have much control. And autism is known to impact memory, in ways medicine does not yet fully understand. That aside, most of us remember what we feel to be important. . .not necessarily what others may view as important.

    We’re not all motivated by the stick. If we were, gym memberships wouldn’t lapse.

    There’s no gauge re: the degree of emotion appropriate to a situation. None I know of, anyhow. We have to control how we act toward others. But how we feel is our business. It’s a unique expression of who we are. Chronically suppressing our emotions can actually do harm to the mind and body.

    Sorry to rattle on. Just one of my many faults (LOL).

    Best Wishes,

    A.

  8. Hey, ‘related readings’ led me to here. Wonder if #1 has something to do with your two year spell.. not trying to be nosy or anything, but I’ve kind of cut myself off from those I used to be close to due to similar emotions being involved, inadvertently including my daughter who’s really young [i don’t even blog about it]. it’s complicated, sad and ongoing, let’s leave it at that. feeling inadequate as a parent compounded with… personality incompatibilities.

    defined myself a certain way, and recent events have made that definition void. only recently picking up the pieces, and sharing my thoughts with the blogging community helps lots. a new augmented family of sorts, idk. ๐Ÿ˜Š

    can’t say that i could be of much help, but i do wish you and yours all the best. sounds clichรฉ, ye, but i mean it! ๐Ÿ˜… hope you keep blogging, even if it’s just a sentence or picture. maybe your inspirations will return, maybe someone else can help you along the way, maybe nature will inspire you. idk

    1. Thanks so much. And yeah, when you are defending yourself against the world, your inspiration goes down the drain. I have unfortunately grown accustomed to tension from one side or the other, so writing hasn’t been on my mind too much.

      I understand where you are coming from. I don’t have kids for that reason. Plus, I cannot support them.

      I have also been where you are. Void, looking for a new family, and I too came here and found family. How odd that our lives are similar. I am glad you are here, some bloke.

      1. whatever you have to do to take care of yourself, even if it’s not writing, blogging or the like. fortunate that we’ve crossed paths at least once on the digital road. ๐Ÿ˜Š be well.

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