Perhaps The First Post About My Nostalgia

So, here I am listening to a Champions of Norrath: Realms of Everquest soundtrack. I used to play that game obsessively and played almost every class in the game. I did the same for the expansion of Champions of Norrath: Return to Arms. I remember when after school or during the summer when I would just obsessively play the game. If only I had that much time to do anything. If I could just focus on a task for hours on end, then I would be happy. Such is not my reality anymore.

My reality is going from task to task quickly and getting it done efficiently. That, my friend, is called responsibilities. But there are times like now when I just feel so overwhelmed and “over it” that I am letting more things go than I should. I used to be even more responsible, but now I don’t see much purpose in it.

It seems the magic of youth is slipping right past me, and I feel very powerless to stop it. I’m trying to keep my youthful hope, but some days are harder than others. Today is particularly harder. I know I got my car back from the shop, and it works okay. I just feel so hopelessly behind this week and am not sure how I am going to make up time/apologize to the clients I missed this week. I was sick on Monday, so that started up me being behind schedule and having my week FUBAR. I can’t wait until Feb. 8 when I can just start over and at least be somewhat normal again.

I am having a month/week where everything is stressing me the fuck out, and it is to the point where I miss having a support system to go to or at least a support activity to do to distract myself from these thoughts. Talking to my fiancé helps a little bit.

Xara Nahara O’Connor


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I am a graduate of the University of Mount Union. I work for ResCare HomeCare as a direct support professional. I was a psychology major and am hoping to get a master's degree in Business Administration with a concentration on healthcare... Somewhere. I am still interested in English and theatre. Writing had always been one of my passions until recently. It takes too much time and effort, which is why I just draw comics now. Believe it or not, drawing comics is easier for me to express myself than writing. I also love animals. When I am not working hard on whatever project I happen to have my hands on, I am at home playing with my animals. I live with two cats named Garfield and Oreo. I also love to listen to all kinds of music, such as The Birthday Massacre, Emilie Autumn, The Cruxshadows, The Cranberries, Celldweller, Emperor, R.E.M., Future Funk Squad, Symphony X, Einherjer, Borknagar, and Nightwish. And I'm married. But don't tell the government. They suck the fun out of it.

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18 thoughts on “Perhaps The First Post About My Nostalgia”

  1. So the good news is yesterday is over and you get to begin new every day. Don’t worry about what you didn’t accomplish yesterday or tomorrow, concentrate on today only. Yeah part of becoming an adult and growing up is having responsibilities, but it’s important to set time aside for you to be a “kid” again so that you don’t become overwhelmed with work. I’m actually going through this too right now at my job. Maybe you might like to keep a journal and just write in it whatever comes to mind. If you could do anything you wanted to do for “work” what would you do? Do you love what you are doing now? If so that’s huge! If not, then maybe you need to think about it, since you will be working for many years, it’s best if you love what you do. Hope this helps!! 🙂

  2. Today, my boyfriend is ranting about who the hell our Creator is. I’m hung on the omni-benevolent God thing.

    I’m past being overwhelmed with work. Between being sick on Monday and having car issues on Wednesday, I have given up on catching up. I am also worried about not having these clients for much longer. I am kind of attached to these clients for the short time I have known them. So yeah, there’s that.

  3. Life tends to hand us a uniform, and we wonder, how it is so convinced that the darn thing fits, we wonder. However there is no time to question, on to do or die, or so we believe. Responsibilities seem to take us prisoners. There seem to be no choices, except for the ones we would have to pay a price for which is too hard to give space for, possibility for. Yes it doth appear like a merry go round, and the grass always seems greener on the other side of the hill, and then to top it off, there are those we wonder, are we wrong to envy their lot? Help is on its way. Help is on its way, don’t let devised confusion disarm you, your hope is your weapon. Hang tight.

    1. Thanks. I find myself escaping a lot and wish I could just live a bit happier again. I wish I could be around my friends more. I wish people would have longer conversations with me. You know, that sort of thing.

      1. Yes I understand, but what you need to do at this time relative to those things which presently you find yourself aspiring to, missing etc..
        is to put them (those seeming answers, solutions, grass greener…) put them into perspective. Because things arise to the hopes of our being, as if proposing a better, only, I say only by the great deceiver; Contrast. Contrast is a trickster, be on guard against it. It desires to fill our hands (occupatively), designed in a fraudulent way “as a solution”, as a answer for all our hopes. Watch it. I care for you as for many others in your situation. This is my mission. Careful, oh don’t misunderstand, I know you’re gifted, one of your outstanding gifts is your honesty. This helps you be discerning. But contrast is a trickster, it is the mind being creative, in devising what appear to be balms for our ails. It might be equated with a primordial thing besetting us one and all. Look, it can even destroy relationships. You name it, jobs, romance, etc…

      2. I make it a point to use it as a way of communicating. If it destroys a relationship, then it shows that that person doesn’t give a fuck about me. If that person doesn’t want to be there when I am going through my dark days, then I have no use for them. That’s how I feel if my emotions “destroy relationships.” I’m sorry, but people have to accept me, or they have to get out. It’s unfortunately the truth because I’ve played the game of trying to please people too long. Besides, I try not to be abrasive about my emotions, as in talk about them all day and to move on with my life. I try to do things about any kind of bad situation. It just sucks that most people expect me to deal with this kind of stuff when if they deal with it, I’m right there, helping them at their beck and call. It’s like I can only give so much. I guess that is the main reason I feel so angry sometimes. But when I am in a good mood like now, then everything is okay.

        Thank you for listening to my rant and giving me some clarity as to what the hell is going on. And yeah, I have a huge problem with contrast now, but I think I’ll force myself to get over it. 😉

    1. Judging from the layout of you wordpresstheme don’t know if this comment above refers to anything I said. However it didn’t show up on my comment alert. But it looks like it refers to “contrast”. Sorry for the confusion, (sincerely; MAO)

      1. No problem. I changed it coincidentally. I was sick of the navy blue and white thing. But yeah, I feel like there is a huge dissonance between what I want and what has been happening. I feel pissed that people won’t leave things alone.

      2. (giggle) Am I one of those who won’t leave things alone, hounds you? Just kiddin. But try to make allowances for some of those folk. I believe you do, at any rate. Remember folks have dressed themselves up, vestured themselves so to speak, with their talismans, support systems, and could easily be intimidated by yours, they make a circle in the dirt and expect you to join them in the duking it out drama. Be wise, I know your are. Don’t fall into debates, just ask God for the wisdom to not get burned up about their attempts at entangling your psyche. Chill, wait, find your priorities and find that peaceful place God has for you. You know in your heart what is proper, you will get there, settle in for the winter of discontent.

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