So, here I am listening to a Champions of Norrath: Realms of Everquest soundtrack. I used to play that game obsessively and played almost every class in the game. I did the same for the expansion of Champions of Norrath: Return to Arms. I remember when after school or during the summer when I would just obsessively play the game. If only I had that much time to do anything. If I could just focus on a task for hours on end, then I would be happy. Such is not my reality anymore.
My reality is going from task to task quickly and getting it done efficiently. That, my friend, is called responsibilities. But there are times like now when I just feel so overwhelmed and “over it” that I am letting more things go than I should. I used to be even more responsible, but now I don’t see much purpose in it.
It seems the magic of youth is slipping right past me, and I feel very powerless to stop it. I’m trying to keep my youthful hope, but some days are harder than others. Today is particularly harder. I know I got my car back from the shop, and it works okay. I just feel so hopelessly behind this week and am not sure how I am going to make up time/apologize to the clients I missed this week. I was sick on Monday, so that started up me being behind schedule and having my week FUBAR. I can’t wait until Feb. 8 when I can just start over and at least be somewhat normal again.
I am having a month/week where everything is stressing me the fuck out, and it is to the point where I miss having a support system to go to or at least a support activity to do to distract myself from these thoughts. Talking to my fiancé helps a little bit.
Xara Nahara O’Connor