Throwback: Why I Write When I’m Depressed

June 5, 2015 – Writing helps calm my nerves. It’s my way of communicating. I know a lot of my entries may seem negative, but it’s my way of expressing frustration and whatever negative emotion I feel in a healthy way. Talking to others, I fear, may cause even more of a rift between them and myself than there possibly could be. I also hate conflict very much and will do anything to try to avoid it. I never thought of myself as a dramatic person, but as one who merely expresses truth within herself. I guess I have done it unintentionally? I feel like with people, I walk on land mines. I have terrible social anxiety, so expressing myself in ways other than writing (or typing) is really difficult. I feel like a looney tune anymore and worry that I come off repetitive to those who read my thoughts. I rarely write anymore [I write more now, again], in fear that I would bore my poor audience. I have just tried to keep busy, so that something of interest is always happening. Speaking of, I feel like taking a late drive and/or walk. ~ Xara Nahara O’Connor

April 7, 2016 – I’ve truthfully been under very much stress for months for various reasons. When I am with my pencil and paper, the stress melts off of me temporarily. I compare writing to a drug. Some people are addicted to heroin. Others are addicted to marijuana. I am addicted to writing. I write poems, short stories, diary entries, and even lists. I write on my calendar. I write my aspirations for the future. I write about current events as I fit in them. I even write about where I have been. It prevents me from being completely lost. I’ve always communicated better through text. Verbally, I have trouble expressing myself. I accidentally say the wrong things, or my pronunciation may be off. I’m sure I have told you all this before. I apologize. I write so much that I forget what I tell whom. I’m sure I may seem stuck in my own world or maybe too much in my own head. I’m just not thrilled with current events. There is too much negativity in the media. The world is ending, and people expect me to do something about it. I’m not even afraid. There is nothing I can do to stop it, so I am going to [try to] enjoy what is left of it. (Now to drag my fiancè out for a late night walk.) ~ Xara Nahara O’Connor


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I am a graduate of the University of Mount Union. I work for ResCare HomeCare as a direct support professional. I was a psychology major and am hoping to get a master's degree in Business Administration with a concentration on healthcare... Somewhere. I am still interested in English and theatre. Writing had always been one of my passions until recently. It takes too much time and effort, which is why I just draw comics now. Believe it or not, drawing comics is easier for me to express myself than writing. I also love animals. When I am not working hard on whatever project I happen to have my hands on, I am at home playing with my animals. I live with two cats named Garfield and Oreo. I also love to listen to all kinds of music, such as The Birthday Massacre, Emilie Autumn, The Cruxshadows, The Cranberries, Celldweller, Emperor, R.E.M., Future Funk Squad, Symphony X, Einherjer, Borknagar, and Nightwish. And I'm married. But don't tell the government. They suck the fun out of it.

Categories comfort, GettingThroughAnxiety, Throwback Thursdays, why I writeTags , , , , , 29 Comments

29 thoughts on “Throwback: Why I Write When I’m Depressed”

  1. Hey, I’m glad to see you on the blog. Looks like I must find some inspirational quotes for you:-) We all write for different reasons and your reasons are good enough. I decided to respond to a challenge this month. It is forcing me to write about things I wouldn’t normally write about and having to research a few things has been fun in itself.
    Yes, the problems of the world do get too much and writing is good for escape or dealing with the stress.
    Take care 🙂 Chevvy

      1. hello there. nice to see you again Xara. I was referring to the Poet’s Billow challenge for the month of April. I’ve been writing in response to their prompts. Come and check some of them out when you have time. 🙂

  2. hey it is good to write if it is a relief. That is one best thing you can do to yourself and i love reading your thoughts. i dont like to comment every time. but i am curious. i think you are same like me. I struggled like you. But i think now i am okay. I am seeing the good side of world. i lost many years living in anxiety and fear. but we have to keep moving on. I am here to read your stuff. keep well and enjoy the little pleasures of life. Regards.

    1. Thank you. I am glad you are doing well. It makes me happy to know others are doing okay. I like to think I am doing better, but I have getting very frustrated very easily.

  3. Writing is an excellent form of therapy. Have you posted any of your poems, I would love to read them? I actually communicate better through writing than talking also. When you write you can think about what to say versus when you are speaking sometimes words don’t come out as you mean them to. Hope you are settling in ok and that the unpacking and organizing aren’t overwhelming you too much! Wishing you sweet dreams tonight…get some rest!! xo

    1. Yes. I have been resting, dear Deb. And read more of my blog or look up Xara Nahara O’Connor on I have a lot of poems. Thank you for your continual support and listening to me rant on your grateful posts. I know it wasn’t part of the grateful theme, but I had to respond to you. You always seem welcoming to me.

      1. Sweet Xara you are always welcome to rant and/or rave on my posts when you feel the need! Oh I will definitely look up your poems! I am listening to an audiobook and one of the character’s name is Xara, every time I hear it said, I think of you and smile!! 🙂

    2. No kidding! Someone actually used that name! I thought I was original. And thanks. I am the Queen of rants. I should work on something else. 😉 You are a beacon of light in this ridiculous world.

      1. You are original, it’s your name that’s apparently not. How about being the Queen of Care cuz that’s what you are, with all the people you take care of!! Thank you, you brighten my world too!! Wishing you a day filled with sunshine!! xo

  4. Indeed. At the time when I had it, it was original. Everyone’s copying me. But it’s a form of flattery. And yeah, I am the Queen of Care it seems. I have been checking up on my former clients and noticed my replacement was coming on Saturday?? Hopefully, people will change their schedules to accommodate their needs. I’ve literally had to be up my coordinator’s ass to get ANYTHING done. My clients were surprised they got someone THAT soon. I, however, wished someone were there sooner, but hey, at least something was done.

    Yeah, my day is going well. I’m sitting down to some brunch right now.

      1. Well I moved to Vegas got a job that’s ok and I need another and shortly I’ll be living in a weekly and had to leave about 94% of my belongings behind and have 150 pounds of stuff to ship and I forgot too many things.

        How about you? Mrs Employee of the month.:)

      2. Wow! That is crazy. I know what it is like to leave belongings behind. I lost 30 percent of my shit in 2014, and I was pissed off enough about that. Most of it was my old writings. But anyway, are you in a better situation now?

        As for me, I am doing fine. I am doing a lot better than when you first met me. My fiancé is treating me very well. My job is going great, obviously. And, I will see family and friends soon. I am glad that my life is returning to normal.

      3. A bit better, I was able to find work but there is little room for error and I had people trying to get me to make one. It was a small one but I made an error, which sucked. Now I have to deal with my living situation as I will be going to a weekly place shortly.

  5. Xara! This is something strange but unique. I appreciate it rather adore your feeling.
    The best things come out under such circumstances.
    Only thing, be positive about it. No matter who says what. Write and come out of it, simple as that. Bring long time in it shall bring negativity around.
    Fond Regards

      1. That’s good anyway.
        Diversion plays an important role.
        The world is full of beautiful things and wonderful people just turn this side. Further more is waiting for YOU, My Dear!

    1. That is true. But sometimes, the clouds of depression overshadow those pleasant things and make them seem futile. Thank Goodness I can distant myself most of the time.

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