Ten years later, I find myself a mere shadow of whom I was before
I no longer have passion
I no longer have any cares
I no longer have an outlet to express myself fully
Restrictions I feel everywhere
Too many rules to count
Isn’t it too early for me to die this way?
Ten years later, I no longer look forward to living another day
Every day feels the same,
Hopeless to be myself
Hopelessly slaving away to please others
I already died inside
When will others see that I am dead inside?
When will I become fully alive like I once was before?
When will things become the way they used to be?
When there was an iota of joy on my peers’ faces?
Is it just me?
Or is everything dead around me?
I’ve turned into a zombie like everyone else,
I’ve been programmed into someone I’m not familiar with
Everything about me is different than before
Isn’t horrifying that the real you is locked inside while the programmed you is the one who interacts with everyone else?
I wake up to these feelings every morning
Been doing this for over a year now
I’ve heard of people going through this for years
I just hope I’m not one of them
Xara Nahara O’Connor