Traces

I found you again

The relief I feel is amazing

I thought you were lost forever

But to find you

All I had to do was look at the clues,

Find you in the stars

Find you in the trail of tears you left behind

Hoping I would one day find you again

In case I became lost

In case I forgot who you were

As you wrote sonnets in the sky

As you described your pain in a way that we came together

As you reminded us of who we loved

I missed you so much

In these lonely years without your constant presence

Sure you’d leave traces in the dust

Leave torturous reminders of lost love and your disconnection with the present

Try to guide me to our future together,

only to find a treasure map with missing pieces

But here you are with your feelings laid about, in a time where being human was okay, but not only okay – celebrated

You retreated when you felt unwelcome inside your own body

When all you wanted to say was sorry for the way you were

A beautiful painting distorted into a nightmare

The colors almost blended together, but a few stand out

In the traces of the pallete you left for me to finish the painting

I am happy to have found you, basking in the glory of your success, happiness, and loveliness

It’s funny how traces and past letters bring tears of joy to my heart

How much more of a whole person we are together

And now you know why you’ve been crying all these years

Because we’ve been too far apart,

To say we’re sorry to our friends and family, when you know they deserved none of this

Burnt bridges, friendships locked away, short ropes unable to reach

The ability to connect is lost

Sadness, regret, shame, depression

They have torn us apart

But we integrated once again,

And now I feel joy and exuberance

Let us hope to never part again

Love,

Xara Nahara O’Connor