Social Anxiety

Damn Damn Damn Triple Damn. I’m panicking. My uncle said he was going to come visit me this weekend, but I’ve not heard shit from him. I feel like I am not connecting to my friends. I miss my old friends. I think of the times I used to have with them, and for the last four years, I’ve slowly been losing connection with them. Who am I really and how the fuck did this happen? My parents are even slowly abandoning me. What the fuck is going on? What did I do so wrong?

Relationships stress me out. As many psychology courses as I have taken, I still don’t understand people. I have more questions than answers. My clients are great. But when I am not working, I forgot how to interact with people. I am really sorry for the panic attacks I’ve been having lately. PTSD is killing me inside. It gets worse around July. This month was the month when everything I knew about myself came into question four years ago.

(I’m altering details here.)

My friends just left me. I know I had strong affections for all of them, but they expected more than I could give. And then, people got upset and left. I don’t feel like anyone knows or accepts who I am, and it bothers me. I feel like I upset people so much and am becoming a bitter, negative person because I am getting discouraged. I am trying so hard to reach out, but I am running out of ideas.

Xara Nahara O’Connor

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xaranahara

I am a graduate of the University of Mount Union. I work for ResCare HomeCare as an attendant. I was a psychology major. I am still interested in English and theatre. Writing has always been one of my passions, and such is why I decided to create this blog. I also love animals. When I am not working hard on whatever project I happen to have my hands on, I am at home playing with my animals. I live with two cats named Garfield and Oreo. I also love to listen to all kinds of music, such as The Birthday Massacre, Emilie Autumn, The Cruxshadows, The Cranberries, Celldweller, Emperor, R.E.M., Future Funk Squad, Symphony X, Einherjer, and Nightwish. Oh, and as of October 15, 2015, I'm engaged. I plan to get married on October 31, 2017.

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5 thoughts on “Social Anxiety”

  1. Don’t reach out, reach in. Become happy with who you are, truly happy, and don’t let what others think affect you. You are not here to please them, nor are they here to please you. Once you feel peace and acceptance of yourself, your dynamic with others will change. As that saying goes “be the change you want to see”. Call your Uncle to make sure he is alright, whether he’s coming or not, at least you’ll know he’s ok. xo

    1. I try being the change I want to see. Very hard. I guess I get discouraged because I’m a tad broken. Unresolved issues that eat me alive. Just takes time. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.

      1. You’re not broken, all of your experiences have shaped you, you may be bent but not broken. Let go of those issues, looking back on them and harboring them keep you stuck. Look forward to where you want to go, imagine how you want it to be, not how it was. Do yourself this favor, you deserve it! xo

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