Damn Damn Damn Triple Damn. I’m panicking. My uncle said he was going to come visit me this weekend, but I’ve not heard shit from him. I feel like I am not connecting to my friends. I miss my old friends. I think of the times I used to have with them, and for the last four years, I’ve slowly been losing connection with them. Who am I really and how the fuck did this happen? My parents are even slowly abandoning me. What the fuck is going on? What did I do so wrong?
Relationships stress me out. As many psychology courses as I have taken, I still don’t understand people. I have more questions than answers. My clients are great. But when I am not working, I forgot how to interact with people. I am really sorry for the panic attacks I’ve been having lately. PTSD is killing me inside. It gets worse around July. This month was the month when everything I knew about myself came into question four years ago.
(I’m altering details here.)
My friends just left me. I know I had strong affections for all of them, but they expected more than I could give. And then, people got upset and left. I don’t feel like anyone knows or accepts who I am, and it bothers me. I feel like I upset people so much and am becoming a bitter, negative person because I am getting discouraged. I am trying so hard to reach out, but I am running out of ideas.
Xara Nahara O’Connor