Doing Business As Swamp Business (Count Macula, Jr. POV)

King Joebear growled and was eating a large barbecue chicken leg. That big black bear was wearing a crown. Xara walked in the woods naked. 

Wow!!! Wow!!! Wow!!! Wow!!! Wow!!! Wow!!! Wow!!! Wow!!!

Zombies were walking behind her before they gang-banged her. 

I would love to be a zombie right now. I would love to be a zombie right now. I would love to be a zombie right now. I would love to be a zombie right now. I would love to be a zombie right now. I would love to be a zombie right now. I would love to be a zombie right now. I would love to be a zombie right now. 

“Bae Whuhh!!!!” she shouted. “Join us.” ‘Bae Whuhh’ was her husband, King Joebear. He was a large black bear.

“JOIN US, BAE WHUHHH!!!” the zombies shouted. 

Xara and the zombies then danced to seriously spicy salsa music. I danced right along with them. I could be a Bae Whuhh. A female zombie bear and I did the tango in step. I have moves.

King Joebear’s fat ass was not ready to dance to seriously spicy salsa. He was taking a shit that made even swamps smell like fresh cut roses. It seems that the sewer was flying out of King Joebear’s ass.

A young black and white cat named Miss Oreo came storming into the swamp. Kissy, their female orange cat that grew to be twice the size she was months ago, followed Miss Oreo. Those cats were cute.

Garfield’s spirit was ascending to Heaven. I will miss speaking to him on Earth. I don’t know angelic, so we can’t speak anymore. I waved to him.

“Hoowoo Bae Whuhh you sexy!” Xara said. At that moment, she started her period. She had swamp vagina. She needed business more than ever. “BAE WHUHH!!! I NEED BUSINESS BAEWHUHH!!!” I would be glad to give her business. I’ve got my DBA all planned out.

“Kissy! Kissy!” King Joebear said in a low melodic voice. “I need you, Kissy. Kissy!” He was ready to sob. He and I missed Garfield.

Kissy ran over there to lay with him. She cuddled up to him, and they cried together.

Xara laid with King Joebear. A barbeque chicken pizza fell out of the sky. King Joebear ate pizza. She ate pizza. I ate pizza and skipped over to them. I am still a forever young white cub, and I wanted to be there for Xara and her family at this time.

We were watching YouTube on a screen on a tree, and it sucked us into the video.

Trumpy Bear was standing on a podium and speaking in Washington D.C. on January 6, 2021. He was saying that we must take back America and make it great again.

Bears and cubs were cheering and wearing MAGA masks. My parents and I were growling.

Pency Bear growled in song that maybe there was another way for America to be great again other than going bear shit on the White House, but most of the other bears were not listening. Nobody listens to white bears like us.

I growled in agreement, but my father would hear none of it, so he growled.

Bruce Ace’s mother (I don’t feel like writing titles. I don’t feel like writing titles. I don’t feel like writing titles. I don’t feel like writing titles. I don’t feel like writing titles. I don’t feel like writing titles. I don’t feel like writing titles. I don’t feel like writing titles.) jumped on the podium and shouted that WE should take back America. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House. Ninety-five percent of the bears charged the White House.

Washington D.C. was overrun by a bunch of angry bears. Bears were mauling people, throwing cop cars, punching windshields, pulling out cops, and eating them. Other bears were eating out of the trash bins. There are always hungry bears at every protest. There are always hungry bears at every protest. There are always hungry bears at every protest. There are always hungry bears at every protest. There are always hungry bears at every protest. There are always hungry bears at every protest. There are always hungry bears at every protest. There are always hungry bears at every protest. There are always hungry bears at every protest.

My parents charged the White House with other bears. They growled and held picket signs saying, “Trumpy Bear is the real President. Get Bidet out of the White House.” Bidets are a type of toilet accesory, and that’s exactly what my family thinks of Biden.

The Democrats ran for their lives as they climbed into gigantic black helicopters to fly away to safety.

Unfortunately, the FBI sent their own army to capture the bears. I growled to warn my parents, but no one could hear me. When those Federal Bastards of Investigation captured my parents, I became infuriated. I flew into the air dramatically with a dark look in my brown eyes and growled feriously eight times. The United States of America then caught on fire. I growled eight more times and dramatically raised my bat wings in the air and turned the world upside down.

We entered Transylvania. The harsh wind blew snow around me. I couldn’t see much in front of me. And I didn’t feel cold. I only felt hot rage as my parents were taken from me. It was supposed to be a peaceful protest. We just wanted our country back. We never asked for the schism between Democrats and Republicans. We never asked for the schism between Democrats and Republicans. We never asked for the schism between Democrats and Republicans. We never asked for the schism between Democrats and Republicans. We never asked for the schism between Democrats and Republicans. We never asked for the schism between Democrats and Republicans. We never asked for the schism between Democrats and Republicans. We never asked for the schism between Democrats and Republicans.

So here I am in Transylvania. Somehow, I must save my parents from the FBI. I assumed they were somewhere in these mountains. The FBI never makes tracking easy, so I climbed.

King Joebear was taking a shit on the mountain again. Kissy was sneezing as she guarded him. Miss Oreo also guarded him.

“Oh excuse me!” I shouted. “Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.”

King Joebear growled and bared his teeth at me. “Keep climbing. I will join you when I finish my business,” he said.

“Will do,” I said as I kept climbing. “Will do. Will do. Will do. Will do. Will do. Will do.”

As I climbed, I saw Xara wearing a plaid eskimo outfit. I growled to her as I ran to her and jumped in her arms.

“Count Macula, Jr! How art thou, great cub?” she asked.

“Not good,” I said as I nuzzled her. “The FBI kidnapped my parents.”

“Yeah. They kidnapped a good bit of my family, too,” she said. “Those bastards! I knew we shouldn’t have sent out a mass text message to everyone in the family about the Chinese Communist party.”

“I received that text,” I said. “You should have kept that on the down low. You should have kept that on the down low. You should have kept that on the down low. You should have kept that on the down low. You should have kept that on the down low. You should have kept that on the down low. You should have kept that on the down low. You should have kept that on the down low.”

“I REALIZE THAT NOW, COUNT MACULA, JR!” she shouted.

Bruce Ace growled as he and his wife barrelled up the mountain. He had fire in his blue eyes. “THOSE BASTARDS TOOK MY MOTHER AND MY DAUGHTER! I WILL KILL THEM ALL!!!!” He growled with might. A big sheet of snow fell off the mountain.

Megara Ace growled swear words as she charged up the mountain. She had an ass as big as a boulder.

King Joebear, Kissy, and Miss Oreo came up the mountain.

“We must forage for food if we plan to survive the climb to find our family members,” King Joebear announced.

On the way up, we discussed conspiracy theories, our favorite foods, our family members, our hatred for the IRS, and late Garfield. When we finished eating the spoils of our hunt, which included an elk, we growled in song.

A bear growled in the distance, but he sounded like he was right in our ears. That bear did not sound like a typical bear. He sounded like a bear angel. And he even projected his face in the fire we started in the middle of our circle to stay warm.

It was the face of Count Macrula. I can only translate what he said in bear language to, “Will you please keep it down? My girlfriend and I are trying to conduct business, and every time one of you sings a note, she bursts out laughing hysterically. Admittedly so do I. Please quiet down so I can conduct business. Thank you.”

Bruce and Megara Ace, King Joebear, and I growled in a bear language that translates to, “We’re sorry.”

The FBI heard us growling, so they vanished us to the swamp we were in back in the beginning of April 2020. But it is swampier now than it was back then.

I spoke immediately as I sat down to eat more pizza. “They’re a bunch of crooks in the Beast system. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this.”

A super hot curly-haired woman with green eyes and glasses also appeared in the swamp. She was eating pizza, but she was dancing in ballet style around in a purple form-fitting crop top and a pink bekini. The bottom of her supple C-cup breasts would show when she jumped in the air.

Wow! Look at those breasts! Wow! Look at those breasts! Wow! Look at those breasts! Wow! Look at those breasts! Wow! Look at those breasts! Wow! Look at those breasts! Wow! Look at those breasts! Wow! Look at those breasts! I have a boner!

She was 7’4″ and looked like an Amazon. She was a perfect hour glass figure. Swiggity Swoogity! I ate that slice of pizza and was going for that booty.

Bruce Ace and Megara were also eating pizza. But when he saw that Amazonian Woman, his eyes popped open and he growled in sexual excitement before he was inspired to sing opera as entertainment for dinner. I sang with him because I was sexually aroused, too.

Holy Shit I was sexually aroused. Holy Shit I was sexually aroused. Holy Shit I was sexually aroused. Holy Shit I was sexually aroused. Holy Shit I was sexually aroused. Holy Shit I was sexually aroused. Holy Shit I was sexually aroused. Holy Shit I was sexually aroused.

I also heard another voice singing with Bruce Ace and me. It was heavenly, and it almost took my focus away from the super sexy Amazonian woman. Almost. Almost. Almost. Almost. Almost. Almost. Almost. Almost.

Paul the Goat rode Hollywood while they both ate pizza. But when he saw the Amazonian woman, he bleated and damn near fell off the horse. He stared her down with his blue eyes and bleated in a high-pitch voice.

Kissy then ate Xara’s pizza crust and meowed as though she were a wind-up toy. That cat had a set of lungs on her.

Count Macrula descended from the Heavens and blessed us all.

I blinked eight times as he looked at him and took another bite of pizza. “Apparently we have entered Heaven. This pizza tastes like Heaven. Excuse me. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make,” I spoke before I growled a great cub growl eight times. 

Bruce Ace did some vocal exercises before he, too, joined in my bear chorus. 

King Joebear growled in bear chorus before Miss Oreo stole a bite of pizza from him. “OREO, lay down!” he growled at her. Miss Oreo stared at him before she continued to chew. 

Paul the Goat bleated before Hollywood neighed loudly. 

The super hot curly-haired woman with green eyes and glasses started to bleat before she looked up at Count Macrula and asked, “Who the hell are you?”

‘I have the same question for you, Amazonian Goodess,’ I thought as I looked up at her.

Count Macrula spoke with vigor, “I am Macrula, a dark angel with regrets, angel wings of redemption, and have traveled across many planes of existence. A cat called upon me. What shall she have me do?”

I have a boner. I want to hump her thick muscular legs, climb up to her pussy, and stick my head right inside her lovely coochie. Then when I climb in her body, I would like to lick every morsel of her poop before squeezing out between her velvety gorgeous cheeks. Then I would eat her ass out until her butt hole was sore. 

Macrula spoke again, “I heard a cat that sounded like a wind-up toy.”

Kissy meowed again. “Sorry about that. I was excited about pizza crust. When I eat pizza crust, I’m in heaven. Thank you for coming,” she said to Macrula.

“You are most welcome, cat of great beauty,” Macrula said. “What shall you have me do for you?”

“Well, we are having a great swamp party, despite the fact that this swaaaamp is completely fucked,” Kissy said as she meowed. 

Pauno, a Greek God with green eyes and black curly-hair and Kendrick, Peter’s ex-girlfriend and Pauno’s current wife also wandered in the swamp. They also were eating pizza. Pauno looked over to the Amazonian woman and mouthed, “Boobs!!!!” He was making the swamp into a beautiful garden.

Kendrick looked over at the curly-haired woman and approached her. “You look familiar. Have I seen you before?” she asked as she looked her up and down and had her jaw dropped. 

The Amazonian woman smiled awkwardly and kind of looked away as she hunched her strong, sexy shoulders. “I don’t remember, but maybe we crossed paths before.” She shrugged with her arms and smiled. Her smile was extremely familiar… her teeth were sort of like a vampire’s… I know someone else who has teeth like that. She must have been on TV somewhere… She is extremely hot, hot enough to be a porn star… WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!

“Peter?!” Kendrick said. 

Whoa! My boner felt confused, but it stayed up. I just stared at her. I am going to have to think LONG and HARD about this dilemma.

She sighed cutely before she spoke, “I changed my name. Peter isn’t a girl’s name.” She sighed and rolled her gorgeous green eyes. She still acted like Peter, but she was cuter as a girl. She is very pretty.

The swamp bubbled up before a man with shaggy red hair started crawling from the large puddle in the middle of said swamp. He was covered in mud. He looked familiar. He looked like someone who was at my Taco Mac party. He then hugged that sexy girl around her curveous, milky waist. She’s taken? Let me have some of that body. I bet she feels really soft. Her tummy is super beautiful. Her belly button was tiny.

I still have a boner. I still have a boner. I still have a boner. I still have a boner. I still have a boner. I still have a boner. I still have a boner. I still have a boner.

“Xaria, I have found you,” the man covered in mud said as he kissed the left side of her curveous, smooth, milky body. Xaria is a pretty name, like the girl who has it. Well, she was a boy, and now is a girl. She looks waaaaaayyyy better as a girl.

My boner is still way up. I want to kiss her body up and down, too. I would even take that shirt off and kiss those pink nipples, too. Yeah, I watched a few of her porn videos when she was a dude, so I know exactly what those nipples look like. And then I would like to pull that bekini down and see what’s underneath. I hope it isn’t a cock because I’m not gay. I’m not gay. I’m not gay. Holy shit I’m not gay. I’m. Not. Gay.

Xaria put her dainty yet long fingers around those of the man. “Oh hey, Jared. Why the hell did you emerge from the mud?” 

King Joebear then growled a great bear growl before announcing, “That’s great, and now excuse me, I need to lick ass.”

While King Joebear licked Xara’s ass and while I joined in with Jared and Xaria, Macrula sang an opera.

“BAE WHUHH!!!!” Xara shouted as she shook her divine booty and did the backfat dance in front of us. She still was bleeding like a stuffed pig. Xara’s ass is almost as sexy as Xaria’s ass.

But Xaria’s ass was still sexiest of them all. It tasted delicious, too. I took a peak to see what was underneath her asshole. There was a scarred vagina in between her legs. There were black and blue marks around her opening, but it was still kind of cute. Her monis pubis was puffy and shaved. I licked her opening and liked the taste. It actually tasted like a peach. She moaned. Jared had his finger on her small penis that turned into a clit.

King Joebear growled before he mauled Xara and started to lick her ass. I felt like I connected with that bear in our ass-licking activity.

Macrula laughed a hearty laugh before he addressed Kissy. “I am not going to lick your cat ass if that’s what you are implying.”

Well, licking a cat’s ass is a little bit past what I could imagine myself doing. Please don’t lick that cat ass. Please don’t lick that cat ass. Please don’t lick that cat ass. Please don’t lick that cat ass. Please don’t lick that cat ass. Please don’t lick that cat ass. Please don’t lick that cat ass. Please don’t lick that cat ass.

Kissy meowed again. “No. I definitely did not call you for that. I simply meowed out of enjoying pizza crust,” she said. 

We went down the swamp drain in a clockwise direction because we were in North America. And then I entered Xaria’s pretty ass.

The sun was glinting in my eye. I found myself laying in the dewy grass with a doll that looked like Xaria. I picked up the doll and saw that the name that was across her off-white long-sleeved button-down shirt as Xaria Wonderboom. Apparently, Xaria Wonderboom changed her last name from Parker to Wonderboom.

I never read Xaria’s novel, but Xara told me that the main character was named Artie Wonderbloom. Xaria wonder-bloomed all right. I guess even Artie changed his… her gender and name, too.

A Rolls Royce was driving up the long estate driveway. I didn’t pay it no mind. I was checking out her circular-framed glasses and playing with her long brown curly-hair. Her curly hair extended to the bottom of her back.

An old man and Xara went to greet the people coming out of the Rolls Royce, Pauno and Kendrick. They exchanged greetings before Pauno saw me playing with the Xaria Wonderboom doll. He walked over to me and asked, “Where did you find that doll?”

“Right here on the grass,” I said. “Right here on the grass. Right here on the grass. Right here on the grass. Right here on the grass. Right here on the grass. Right here on the grass. Right here on the grass.”

“BOOBS!!!! I am Pauno, the Greek God of parties, being supportive, wine, and crack cocaine,” Pauno said with authority as he stared at the doll.

It was true. Xaria’s suspenders were struggling to wrap around those large boobs of hers.

“Oh brother. I thought I put that toy away. How the heck did she get out here?” Xara asked as she stared at the doll. “But yes, her toymaker made her with extremely big boobs!!! Must have been a horny son of a bitch.”

“Yeah. I used to jack off to her when I was a boy,” the old man said. “She made me horny… still does.”

“My Goodness. I guess sex dolls have been a thing at least since the 1800s,” Xara said with a laugh and went back to mansion on the estate. 

“Enjoy your toy,” the old man said to me as he led Kendrick and Pauno back to the mansion. Pauno was making trees that had plenty of food on them.

“I will!” I shouted after them. “I will! I will! I will! I will! I will! I will! I will!”

Xaria woke up and then became 7’4″. She was laying in the grass, and her boobs were life-sized.

All of my blood has rushed to my penis.

“Sorry about that. I had to freeze because there were adults everywhere. The old man would have shit himself if he knew I were still alive,” Xaria said.

“Did you use to fuck him when he was younger?” I asked.

“Yeah! Like waaaay younger. Try 50 years younger,” she said.

“I understand,” I said. I was a vampbear. I looked like an eight-year-old cub, but I have been alive for over 40 years. Apparently, Xaria was some hot vampiress doll or something.

“Yeah, the life of a toy, let me tell you,” she said with a smirk.

“So, you are actually a toy?” I asked.

“Actually, yeah. I was made in that house over there,” she said as she pointed to a castle on the other side of the estate. It was even more haunting than the one I lived in. Ghosts of children’s toys were flying around it.

“Count Macula, Jr. COME! Dinner has been prepared. Bring your toy with you!” Pauno commanded.

Xaria then returned to her toy form, and I picked her up and pressed her against my chest. Damn her boobs felt good against my chest. I was walking with a boner toward the estate.

I was laughing my ass off at the dinner table. We were talking about current news, shapeshifting reptiles on the news, and how MSNBC was fake news.

Xaria was sitting on the table next to me and scowled. I forgot. She was a damn Democrat. She was a damn Democrat. She was a damn Democrat. She was a damn Democrat. She was a damn Democrat. She was a damn Democrat. She was a damn Democrat. She was a damn Democrat.

Kissy sniffed Xaria’s hair on the table before she batted it. Xaria sat still. I laughed seeing Kissy play with Xaria’s hair and sniffing it.

Miss Oreo jumped on the table and crawled on Xaria’s lap. She brushed past Xaria’s boobs as she went to grab a sweet potato from a bowl.

“Oreo, get down!” King Joebear said sternly as he scowled at her. Yes, he joined us for dinner.

I laughed. I wanted to be Miss Oreo about now. I like Xaria’s boobs. I like Xaria’s boobs. I like Xaria’s boobs. I like Xaria’s boobs. I like Xaria’s boobs. I like Xaria’s boobs. I like Xaria’s  boobs. I like Xaria’s boobs enough to rub them with my thumb when no one was looking.

Xaria stared straight ahead at everyone and had the same scowl on her face.

“After dinner, I’m going to take you somewhere to change your attitude. After dinner, I’m going to take you somewhere to change your attitude. After dinner, I’m going to take you somewhere to change your attitude. After dinner, I’m going to take you somewhere to change your attitude. After dinner, I’m going to take you somewhere to change your attitude. After dinner, I’m going to take you somewhere to change your attitude. After dinner, I’m going to take you somewhere to change your attitude. After dinner, I’m going to take you somewhere to change your attitude,” I whispered to Xaria with conviction as I brushed a lock behind her ear.

King Joebear shouted, “Whoa! We opened up the crazies up in this conversation!”

That was a bit too much conspiracy for me, so I picked up Xaria and took her fine ass upstairs.

Xaria and I were in the bedroom after we took our bath together, and she was still in her towel. I was still a naked bear, too. I was nowhere near done with her.

She was drying herself off as she was sitting in the bed.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I shouted. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

She looked at me in confusion and great disgust. Are all transexual women like this?

“I wanted you to stay wet,” I said with vigor as I pulled the towel away from her and threw it across the room. 

“While laying in bed?” she asked with her pretty eyebrow raised. She looked really gorgeous without her glasses on.

“Yes,” I said as I climbed on her and grinded my hard dick against her pussy that was black and blue from reconstruction. She even had stitches attaching her legs to her lower body and small stitches going horizontally along her pussy lips.

“Don’t worry. I’m a different kind of wet,” she said with a smirk as she rolled me over on my back and grinded her pussy against my dick.

“Fuck me,” I said. “Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.”

Xaria came down hard on my penis and rode it like a pony. She was 7’4″, so she was three feet taller than I was. “Gladly,” she said with a smile.

“YES!,” I shouted as I reached for her boobs. I wanted to squeeze milk out of those fucking things. 

Xaria giggled as she rode me. “You like this, huh?”

I heard a knock at the door.

Xaria turned into her toy form and had her mouth around my dick. Works for me.

“Yeah?” I shouted.

“I just wanted to say good night. Do you need anything?” Xara asked through the door.

King Joebear growled and laughed as he spoke to Pauno about mainstream news. He was speaking about the FBI being mostly Reptilians. Pauno was agreeing and adding on that we were close to a World War. Even in the 1800s, we were heading for the world coming to an end. These discussions made me wonder what simulation we were living in.

After listening for a while, I answered with a “No, thank you.”

Xara then bade me good night and then continued their hallway discussion about a man who saw gremlins in the woods. King Joebear was talking about that man being a magician.

While Xaria fell asleep on my cock, I was listening to Joebear talk about his midnight snack of sausage and broccoli.

“Yes Bae Whuhhhh!!! Sausage and Broccoli Sunday!!!!” Xara shouted in the hallway. “I’m hungry again.”

I put on a black night robe and put the naked doll in the pocket before I charged out after them. “I love sausage and broccoli, but you know what I hate?!” I asked as I was catching up to them. 

“What? Democrats?” Xara asked as she turned to see me. 

“Haha Yes, but you know what I hate more than Democrats?” I asked. 

Xaria kicked me in my pocket.

“What?” Xara asked.

“Radiated Refried Beans!” I yelled. 

“Oh yes! Recreational Radiated Refried Beans!” Xara shouted. 

King Joebear growled. “They actually make me gag. No thanks! Count Macula, Jr. has the right idea! Fuck that.”

Xara and I just burst out laughing. We love when King Joebear is complaining about what food he hates. He was passionate about food.

And after that conversation, we ate our broccoli. I was too tired to wait for sausage, so I took my Xaria upstairs to lay with her.

This is a good night in 1821. Better than anything to do 2021. Xaria and I heard a distant growl from King Joebear as we cuddled together. I toyed with a lock of her hair as I cuddled with her. Her beautiful body was warm and smelled like fresh cut flowers.

I woke up to a spider on my bear nose and growled as I smacked my nose. The spider jumped between Xaria’s tits. I chuckled eight times.

Xaria shot up in the bed and used her right hand to dig between her breasts to find the spider. The spider crawled on her hand toward her. “What the fuck?!” she shouted as she flung the spider on the wall. The spider was clinging to the wall.

There was a knock on the door. Xaria then turned back into the toy and lay naked on the bed.

“Is everything okay in there? I heard a scream,” King Joebear asked.

“I believe so. Sorry about that,” I shouted. “Sorry about that! Sorry about that! Sorry about that! Sorry about that! Sorry about that! Sorry about that! Sorry about that!”

“What the hell is going on?!” Bruce Ace shouted through the door.

“A spider woke us up. I’m sorry!” I called out.

King Joebear growled to Bruce Ace. Bruce Ace growled loudly in excitement to King Joebear.

The trees in the forest shook from the energy the other bears were exerting with their growls. They were going to wake up the whole goddamn estate.

“You all have problems. Would you all like to get some damn sleep? Some of us have shit to do in the morning!” the old man said through the door as clear as a bell.

Xaria snorted as she folded her arms across her large, curvy chest. “I wish I fucking could,” she muttered.

“Would you like me to rub you to sleep?” I asked. 

“If you want,” Xaria said. 

I pulled her to me and then rubbed her body with my finger. I laid next to her and lightly brushed her with my fingers.

“I shall make tacos rain from the sky!” Pauno yelled outside of the door.

We heard thunder outside. I saw lightning bolts flash down outside my window. A white milky substance that smelled like sour cream flooded through the window. What the fuck?

The sour cream was flowing through the bedroom and burst the door open. The bed we were on was floating on the sea of sour cream. We were riding on the wave throughout the hallway.

“What the fuck?!” Pauno shouted as he tried to part the sea of sour cream as he walked through the hallway.

The old man rushed out into the hallway and sniffed the air. His nose curled back in disgust. “The children’s home on the other side of the estate sours the air,” he said somberly. “That’s why your magic is not working as it should.”

King Joebear, Bruce Ace, and I growled angrily like cubs. King Joebear added a “Ughhhhhh” to the end of his long series of growls. 

Paul the Goat made a series of bleats in disgust. Hollywood swam away with Paul the Goat on his back. Both of them neighed in frustration. The swamp golem swam after them.

Pauno growled angrily as well because he was looking forward to tacos. 

I stepped out of the story into a faded black backdrop scene, growled, and then composed myself. 

“Actually, I wanted to give this moment to Xaria. We never did ask her what compelled her to change her sex,” I said.

A naked Xaria walked out and said, “The government included gender reassignment in the latest stimulus package, and I would have done anything to get out of doing drywall. So, I figured I would take advantage of the opportunity to get a government-sponsored sex change. I am now a cam lady. Subscribe for only $39.99 a month, and you can jack off to me 24-7!”

“I’ll have to think long and hard on that one before we go to the next story!” I shouted as I had a hard-on.

“What’s the next story?” Xaria asked me.

“I have no fucking idea. Xara is the one writing this crazy shit,” I said before I laughed.

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xaranahara

I am a graduate of the University of Mount Union. I work for myself as a housekeeper. My company is named Nicole's Superb Cleaning Services LLC. I was a psychology major and am hoping to cause pain and suffering to Peter W. Parker, the bane of my existence because reasons. I am still interested in English and theatre. Writing stories that defy the English language and troll Peter W. Parker is my passion. I used to draw comics, but I had a comic artist block, so now I troll Peter W. Parker with my stories. I also love animals. When I am not working hard on whatever project I happen to have my hands on, I am at home playing with my animals. I live with two cats named Princess Kissy and Princess Oreo. I also love to listen to all kinds of music, such as The Birthday Massacre, Emilie Autumn, The Cruxshadows, The Cranberries, Celldweller, Emperor, R.E.M., Future Funk Squad, Symphony X, Einherjer, Borknagar, and Nightwish. And I'm married to King Joebear. But don't tell the government. They suck the fun out of it.

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